40%

TLDR: In 2020, I soared to a 40% self-improvement, braving the pandemic's chaos, but 2021 presents new hurdles. This blog explores my journey, from conquering adversity to facing fresh challenges, emphasizing the importance of adaptability and self-compassion. The key message: Keep chasing that 40% improvement, but remember to adjust your approach as life evolves. Dive into this personal account of resilience and growth!

How I levelled up 40% in 2020 and how I am trying to not lose those gains in 2021

This first attempt at this post was emotionally super charged by some recent Covid 19 restriction news out of Ontario in mid May, which derailed any semblance of coherence and served to uncover the crabby curmudgeon inside of me, that only my significant other, and close family have come to know — rather than be of any value to anyone. I would like to tell my story of achieving 40% improvement of self in 2020, and how I am dealing with failing to keep that same pace of personal growth in 2021. 

So let me try again. 

How I was able to level up 40% in 2020: 

When the pandemic hit in 2020, I was uniquely positioned to not just survive, but flourish. I had started a job in December, working remotely, at a rapidly growing e-commerce company and was living (somewhat) affordably with my older brother in a Toronto basement suite. My partner and I were doing long distance (in fact she was caught in Washington DC, during not only the pandemic but the historic race riots in response to George Flloyd’s death, which would mark the near end of a tumultuous presidency — a story for another time). 

The remote nature of my job made the switch to home office, not really a switch at all. In fact, the only change I incurred was the frequency of support calls I was taking, and the massive stock price increase my company experienced. Catapulting us into being Canada’s most valuable company. 

With the growing global demand for my company's products and services, the ability to make moves in the corporate jungle gym (we call it this as it is not your typical corporate ladder) was plentiful. I started networking internally and began to make moves. My career was taking off in a time where layoffs and demolition of businesses and livelihoods was (and still is) rampant. 

With nothing but the grocery store open and a job to do — levelling up 40% became easy. 

The world was sick — so I got healthy. I quit drinking. I started eating clean (mostly vegetarian, except Friday night which was either Sushi on Bloor or Gigi’s Pizza for any Annex living Torontonians, who read this). I started doing 100 burpees a day. Initially for 30 days but turned into about 90 days in a row. I still do them ~3 times a week, over a year later. (I recommend following this form to avoid injury).

I was waking up before work to read for 30 minutes and to meditate for 30 minutes. I finished more personal development books than I had read in any other year. I was inspired. I was achieving promotions, pay raises, and equity in my company was skyrocketing. I was fitter than I had been in the past 5 years. (I did start running once the weather improved — so burpees, and a mixture of distance + interval running which I can detail in a private message). I was down 15 pounds. Full of energy.

How am I quantifying 40%? Well, I don’t exactly have the metrics, but retroactively looking at my year, the advances I made at work, the skills I learned, the physical and mental health improvements I made, all culminated in me feeling like I was at least 40% better than when I started the year. At work, we say you need to improve 40% just to keep up with the rate at which our company moves. This is a tall order, but I like the lofty goal. It takes extreme persistence and motivation to achieve it — but as I reflect on the first 6 months of 2021, what I am coming to realize is getting 40% better and the steps involved to achieve it may for a time be easy, but can quickly dissipate.

The situation in 2020 was scary and full of unknowns, and this motivated me. I levelled up 40% during a time that for many others, was the most difficult year of their life. Sure, I have some mental fortitude. I decided that I would “make my bed” every day, so to speak. Take ownership of my life and choices, but I was also well positioned to do so. There was some luck, some unique circumstances that made improvement of self, easy. In 2021, my year has looked very different, and rather than using all my energy to make my bed, I’m using all my energy to get out of it. 

How I am struggling to not lose my 40% gained in 2020, as I write this in 2021: 

By December of 2020, the world was tired. In Ontario, we felt it. We were sick of being inside. We were sick of not having outlets for exercise. Sick of not seeing friends and family and, soon this was to be exasperated with the onslaught of deep winter (January/February marked by > -10 weather). 

My Christmas vacation plans in Vancouver were cancelled out of respect for the restrictions in place at the time. My partner and I enjoyed Christmas, just the two of us in our newish, Toronto Apartment (we reunited in September after she had left DC to stay with a friend in Atlanta — more race riots, and again — a story for another time). 

November had ramped up at work and the pressure had begun to burn me out. As a colleague describes it, I was getting crispy (pre burnout). So I took Christmas off and was ready to return for 2021, and begin the process of levelling up 40%. Though this year I haven’t had the same success and as I write this in June, I am about 6 months behind in my quest to improve by 40%.  

Deep winter was tough and I recognized I needed to get out of my apartment for my own sanity.

I said to myself “if it’s above 0 degrees, I will run outside”.

Okay, “if it’s above -5 degrees, I will run outside”. 

Fine, “if it’s above -10 degrees, I will run outside”. 

Fuck it, “it’s -15, I’m going for a run”. 

Burpees (my 2020 fitness anchor) became very challenging in the small apartment that only seemed to get smaller as winter went on. Running became my outlet — though, I wasn’t seeing the physical gains like I was in 2020. I was drinking on weekends (probably too much) and the lack of socialization was starting to really weigh on me. Anything positive I was doing for my mental and physical health was taking more effort (waking up before work to read and meditate happened less and less until it didn’t happen at all). 

I was able to land a new position at my company which was a huge win for my career, but my energy, and motivation wasn’t where it had been. I felt and still feel slowtivated. Like I am motivated but just moving at half speed. 

I was and still am languishing. My alarm goes off and, where in 2020, I was jumping out of bed to read and meditate, crushing my work day and then becoming the burpee king, in 2021, I am snoozing until it’s time for work, downing a coffee, and just managing to be present, let alone excel. 

This, like anything, ebbs and flows. I’ve had some great moments in 2021, some success, days where I am a beast, receive good feedback, make positive connections, and add new skills to my toolkit. But this is me maxing out the energy I have. In 2021, everything weighs on me. Reading the news. Following restrictions. Wondering if I can get vaccinated and every other mess going on around me weighs on me. Socializing (safely) and not socializing at all weighs on me, heavily. I miss my friends and my family. In 2020, I was making my bed. Neat and tidy. This year, I am just crawling out of it — barely. 

I think the mysteriousness of the pandemic had some influence on this. Will this be like Hollywood’s Contagion? Or better yet, 28 Days Later? Will I be Woody Harrelson in ZombieLand? (Okay you get it, and yes I like movies). At this point, we know the drill. Patios for a couple weeks, back to lock down. 5 people allowed indoors, back to a stay at home order. Vaccination delays, issues and setbacks and of course daily records of cases, waves and death. 

As I publish this, Canada now has more folks with 1 dose of vaccine than the United States, restrictions are easing up and there is a lot to be positive about. Fans are returning to arenas, restrictions are loosening (hopefully for good) and the light at the end of the tunnel is visible. However, my year of levelling up 40% has been set back and every time I make the plunge to recover, pick myself up, and dominate, something seems to knock out my knees.

I think however, there are some takeaways that are valuable for myself and others as I resume trying to level up my 40% in the final 6 months of the year. 

1. Working at a company where the idea that if you don’t improve 40% YoY you are falling behind is both motivating and debilitating — if you’re not careful. 
2. When disaster strikes, you may be in position to sprint and achieve great things for yourself and others. By all means, take the baton and run (or burpee). 
3. No one can sprint forever, and it is not always sustainable depending on how fast you’re moving. You are going to have to compromise, adapt and change your approach constantly to meet the demands of the external world around you. For me, the same mechanisms I was using to achieve my goals in 2020, were not working in 2021, in fact, they were destroying me. 
4. Cut yourself some slack. For me, my pity party was delayed. I smashed through 2020, and it wasn’t until much later it all caught up with me. I had to recognize this and adjust my sprint to be more of a light jog — and that’s okay. 
5. I feel like the same energy I used the past 6 months got me to my 40% in 2020, but in 2021, has instead just saved me from losing that 40% I had originally gained. [Insert cliche about the past is the past and the present is a gift, or you can always start over, or today is a new day etc] but it’s true. I am going to improve by 40% in 2021, it just looks different than it did the year prior as I imagine it will look different in the years to come. 

Final thoughts: 

The pandemic has been difficult. For everyone. It has been unifying in that way — even though if you zoom out and look around the world, it doesn’t always look so united. If you flourished in 2020 but have been struggling in 2021 I empathize with you. If the past 15+ months have been like climbing an unclimbable mountain, I empathize with you. If this has all just been a breeze, I bet you’re lying and I empathize with you as well. No matter your situation, don’t stop striving to improve 40%, it’s a lofty, but attainable goal. Just remember to adapt your approach to achieving it, constantly.

Don’t know where to start? Try some burpees.

** One good thing that came out of 2021 was my new coworker kitten, Uma (photo is us in our "office")